November 16

Dear Mom,

Today is your birthday!  I can't believe that it's been 17 years since I have celebrated this day with you.  I will never be able to put into words how much I and the rest of the family miss you.  Yes, we have continued on with our lives just as you wanted and yes, we have been mostly happy but you can see that there is something missing from all of our lives and that is you.   You meant so much to all of us. You were our glue.  You were our strength. You were our world.

There is so much I want to tell you and talk to you about.  The family has grown so much since you have gone.  You now have 7 great-grandchildren.  Can you believe it?  They are so sweet and beautiful and at times we see a little bit of you in all of them.  We've told them about you so they know they have a Mamaw that watches over them.  Last year while M & I were making your rolls we were talking about you. (By the way, we've made your rolls every year for Thanksgiving and THEY NEVER TURN OUT so if you could help out from above it would be greatly appreciated!)  Anyway, she was asking about where you were and I told her Heaven.  Which led to the question of what you were doing there to which I answered "probably dancing, your mamaw loved to dance."  Then came the question that brought tears.  "Is Mamaw coming to Thanksgiving?"  It broke my heart to tell her no but I told her that you would be dancing in Heaven. 

You see Mom, I know you are in a much better place but that still doesn't keep me from missing you.  I know that you are no longer hurting from cancer but there are so many times that I've needed you when I am hurting.  I know that you are laughing with your Heavenly Father but there are so many times that I've wanted to laugh with you.  I know that you are singing beautiful songs with the angels but I miss being in the car on one of our shopping trips and singing along with the radio with you.  I wanted so many times to talk with you when I had my miscarriage because you also lost a child to miscarriage.  I know that you are my guardian angel but I miss you here being my cheerleader, confidant, disciplinarian. I miss you being here being my mom.  I love you, Mom.  

Love always,
Your daughter




Starting a blog

Well, after much contemplation I have finally started a blog.  I am an avid blog reader and thought this would be a great outlet to journal the emotions and steps I am taking to become a mom.  My journey actually began in October of 2009 but I have had a few hiccups along the way.  I will write more about that later because it's getting late and it's been a long week.